Last Friday, we asked the question, “Should you unfriend your spouse on Facebook?” According to this article in the Pioneer Press, one pastor in New Jersey thinks you should not only unfriend your spouse, but delete your Facebook account entirely.
Rev. Cedric Miller of Living Word Christian Fellowship Church in Neptune, NJ has ordered 50 married church leaders to delete their Facebook accounts or resign from their leadership positions.
Why?
He says it’s because 20 couples among the 1,100 members of the church have run into marital trouble over the last six months after a spouse connected with an ex-flame over Facebook.
“I’ve been in extended counseling with couples with marital problems because of Facebook for the last year and a half,” he said. “What happens is someone from yesterday surfaces, it leads to conversations and there have been physical meet-ups. The temptation is just too great.”
When I first saw the headline, I’ll be honest, my inclination was to mock the pastor for overreacting. But 20 families harmed through relationships initiated through Facebook – that’s a big deal. At the very least, I think we need to acknowledge that Facebook can lead to inappropriate relationships. That’s a very real danger. Agree or disagree?
If you agree, then what’s the best way to protect against that danger?
One option, which Rev. Miller tried earlier was to ask all married couples to give each other the passwords to their Facebook accounts.
Do you have other suggestions? Or do you agree with Rev Miller that all married people should avoid Facebook?
24 Comments
I believe that the Pastor should use this as an opportunity to minister to couples, individuals, and church leaders on the use of Facebook. Pastors minister on the temptation that exist in Television, Video, etc. and need to include not only Facebook but Social Media in general. There is a real danger. I believe education and instruction is more powerful than condemnation in this situation.
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I'm on board with dboze here. 20 families messed up because of a relationship that started up again over facebook is a big deal, but at the same time, removing the catalyst for a problem doesn't mean the problem is solved. A person can have a problem with lust but just because you take away that person's internet access doesn't mean they aren't going to have a problem with lust.
this is tough due to the fact that Facebook can, if properly utilized, be a great platform for connection and information. this isn't the most creative solution, and it should be part of a quiver of attempts to address the situation. the idea that Facebook is the playground for what is already in the heart of people is solid, but there are a whole host of paths that flow out from that. are we banning email? do the pastors have church-issued cell phones and if so what about text messaging? it is difficult to know where to draw the line, but I appreciate the idea that this pastor knows his context and I do not.
Agreed. This isn't a Facebook issue, it's a personal issue. So they're not on Facebook. There are hundreds of other social sites where this can happen. Addressing the problem of why they though exploring that relationship is more important of an issue than trying to "govern" people's private lives.
In my opinion, this pastor is overstepping his bounds and calling by trying to dictate the lives of his staff. They are employed by him and there isn't an employer in the US that has the right to tell their employees they can't have a Facebook account.
Cheers,
William
Totally agree. Removing the way sin manifests itself doesn't address the root problem any more than banning McDonald's will transform overweight staff members into svelte followers of Jesus. Marriages are under attack, no doubt. But let's focus on strengthening people's relationship with Christ so that when temptation comes — be it from Facebook or Jack Daniels — they're too close to him to break his (or their spouse's) heart.
Facebook isn't the problem. These marriages were in trouble, and if it didn't happen through Facebook, it would have been through Twitter, MySpace or the local coffee shop. The pastor seems to be handling this in a very reactionary manner, rather than proactively. This might be better handled through teaching/leading with Bible studies, small groups or sermon series about handling social media in Biblical ways and/or keeping your marriage healthy.
It's really easy to bash the Pastor here, and I just want to jump back in real quick and say that while this isn't going to solve the problem, I DO think it is a good first step in addressing it. Like others have mentioned, it's real easy for us to sit back and try and talk about what's going on, but that's the difference between getting reports from the front and living in the trenches. I'm just praying that the pastor who banned FB doesn't stop there, that he does go in and tries to root out the source of the problem.
I'm with justapen. My first thought when hearing about this situation was, "I have a lot of respect for that pastor, making an unpopular decision when faced with a difficult reality." Next, I thought along the lines of most comments above: that facebook really isn't to blame here. But although ultimately it's our hearts that need to change so that we are more faithful to God and our spouse, sometimes we have to be radical in the lengths we go to avoid temptation.
I would not ban them from the leadership position or facebook! If this type of action occurs then there was a problem to begin with. I would counsel the whole church on Social Media use, and how it can be used to assist in bringing people to Christ. I have a facebook page and a business page, everyday I post bible scriptures and I am a member of groups that edify other Christians. So, I would say that it should be a soul searching from within the individuals as to this decision.